Hatred once brewed within me,
I don’t know how I didn’t become evil, as cynical as I was,
From all the pestilence spraying across the place,
Like the pain when it was laced in psychological torment,
Abhorrent acts where the hands squeeze the neck and I can’t breathe,
Despite my brokenness the light chose me,
As I ran away from it because I didn’t think I’d belong,
What is love?
We know hatred more than we do love,
So my question is,
How the fuck am I so loving?
It took an act of God to make me this way,
Something must be in my DNA,
Because ain’t no way this is just me,
It’s not.
It’s got to be…
the power of God,
Because if it was up to the-unhealed version-of me,
I would’ve summoned something that would’ve wiped them off from existence because of disrespect,
Yeah I’m petty, then again not really,
Because it hurts when you love’em so much, but all you got was crumbs,
‘Til you say, “to hell with them…”
I was tempted to cast spells,
Because karma’s taking too long,
My heart was cold, dark, and twisted,
Atheistic,
Hell, I was even acquainted with a Satanist,
Who’s been through the same kind of pain,
Back when the Satanic Commandments made more sense to me,
That’s why John Ramirez testimony really spoke to me,
As tempting as it was to have all that power, but the truth is nothing can top el agua de Yahawa,
Toxicity used to move so smoothly through my veins that carry generational pain, that incites violent reflexes to lacerate those who sought to destroy me,
PTSD wrath got my blood boiling, at the thought of being used as a foreign toy, an exotic object,
I’m supposed to be an alcoholic,
Then, Diablo starts talking tauntingly,
“How could you let’em do this?
You so stupid! Pathetic.
That’s why you get left for dead!
Why don’t you come to the darkness?”
Love seems non-existent and abuse makes you crave power,
You reclaiming it,
Love seemed dumb when I coulda just destroy’em all one by one,
Despite this toxic bitch babble, I know I could never be evil,
You know how I know?
Because I could never hurt a good person.
If I ever did, then I deeply regret it, and that’s when I realized that I don’t belong to the darkness…
So the devil can no longer convince me that I’m his,
I’m not that rotten apple he once had his eye on,
No more ionic bonds with darkness,
I was lost but not forgotten by God,
Intense anger used to brew within me from the hatred I accumulated through the pain traumas bring,
Chronic heart breaks stacking interest,
It takes a lot of strength to overcome these various layers of betrayals, and to let go and continue on my trail,
There was a time when I couldn’t stop contemplating eliminating those who’ve caused me to go insane,
Knowing damn well I was mentally oppressed, I was supposed to be slained,
Incubus inflicting me with heart sickness
But Yahawa’s my witness who saw it all including when I was having evil thoughts but I chose to walk on without vindictiveness,
I thought, “There’s got to be a different way to win this.”
I brushed it off like they’re dead,
No blood was shed,
Not even to leave’em on read, instead the messages dissappear into oblivion,
Sea of forgetfulness,
Living with no regrets,
I will continue to live virtuous despite the afflictions the wicked tried to kill me with,
Indigenous resilience,
You cannot destroy the ancient Spirit that’s infinite that contains the heart of the samurai,
We can never die for as long as the Most High keeps us alive.
La sangre llama,
Gloria a Yahawa que nos trai el agua.