N U M B (poem)

Broken one becomes numb,

Because of traumas,

Multiplied by the times my heart was ripped apart,

I didn’t want to feel again, so I’ll remove that sentimental shit from my head,

And be cynical and stoic instead,

Because that’s how you live without bouts of suicidal thoughts,

Pain was always inevitable,

Since before I was able to speak,

Only two words,

One of em was “agua,”

It’s no wonder why I’m so parched,

As I been starving for a release from this world before I even reached puberty,

Inconsistent oasis, don’t know if I’ll get to rejoice or be disappointed,

Lowered vibrations awaits,

I been debased for having an innocent face,

But they had no idea that these eyes have penetrated the onyx sockets of the most conniving,

The one who nearly took my life,

The one who psychologically shot me down,

The greatest betrayal ever,

Was supposed to send me into a downward spiral,

To prevent me from elevating higher,

My temple withstood many bullets from the counterfeits,

Seems like everywhere I turn someone’s been deployed to destroy me,

To the point I’m too exhausted to fight them off,

Sometimes I felt like just taking a loss,

Until I shifted my thoughts and fought hard,

For as long as I’m breathing, even though I often feel like I’m operating on autopilot,

I might just drive over a bridge like a lunatic,

Because I’m loca enough to see if I can make it,

Risk taking only when calculated,

Who knows? Maybe I can make it across,

I’ve been robbed of so much nothing fazes me,

I’ve been beat up by life so much I’ve grown so numb, that it even scares the shit outta me,

I feel like a stoic warrior,

I’m surprised by how much love I still have within me,

It’s like my heart never left me, despite having been rejected, broken, and left for dead.

All the times my heart bled I never stopped being a good person, persecuted by serpents,

I don’t even know how I’ve managed to become my best version,

Numbess made me forget I had emotions,
I almost forgot I was human until writing served to be therapeutic,

I’m so numb I almost forgot I was human as I would clock into autopilot wiring,

So tired of the liars who’d memorize their pathetic lines, I would dismantle by exposing their narrative,

It’s repetitive when you’ve witnessed wom9en in your kin get overtaken by the wicked men who pretended to be attentive,

Only to break what was meant to be protected, then vehemently disrespect the one who came out of her,

Not realizing the power that runs through her veins,

All that pain was never in vain,

It sure as hell ain’t.

Published by Yasira Akamai

Wife. Writer. Poet. Artist. Lyricist. Born in December 16, 1995. Mexican-American. Southwestern US born -> Grew up in the Chicagoland area & Northwest Indiana (mostly East Chicago) -> moved to a warmer place living that Southern coastal life. I've been writing since like around the late 2000s. Depression and anxiety was swallowing me and I had difficulty trusting others, so I decided to confide in writing. It started off as Spanish songwriting, then it evolved into English poetry, prose, and short stories the more I improved my English grammar and vocabulary. I once had to take ESL classes, until it was determined that I didn't need to anymore around middle school. I became so dedicated to writing that I just did it everyday, and it served as my daily therapy as I was battling with negative thoughts. It put my mind in a state of meditation where it opened me up to many ideas and inspiration that I lived to create. I began to notice that I could write and speak things into existence with my words and actions. I had to find myself, and search for the power of the mind. Blog posts written by the author who goes by the pen name, Yasira Akamai, are intellectual property that belongs to the original author.   ©2021 Yasira Akamai, Power_of_the_Mind_Blog

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