It’s not easy being open and transparent about our past traumas, failures, and setbacks because it’s a very vulnerable place to be in. You may have been trying so hard to run away from that dark place that you’ve fought so hard to get out of.
The thing is we’re not actually going to that dark place anymore. That place no longer exists. Now, it only exists in our minds as an awful memory that may still trigger you, and it doesn’t help that our PTSD nightmares remind us.
Once you get to the bottom of this you will be freed from the stronghold it has over you. You have to find the source of this pain by digging deep into the root of the problem because the trauma is deep-rooted. That way, you can pull the root right out, and be set free.
In order to do this, you must be ready to dig deep into that realm you’ve been running away from all these years. It’s time to have courage and fortitude to pull the toxic root out with your bare hands, so that you can be released.
There’s no other way around it, you have got to be 100% honest with yourself about who you are, who you’re becoming, and the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Taking accountability is required, and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you’re wrong. Everyone has been wrong at one point. The problem is when we ignore our own red flags in our behavior. It’s better to check yourself than to have someone else do it for us, you know? Haha!
The point of being honest with yourself is to acknowledge what needs work. It’s not meant to condemn you, but rather to identify our faults and weaknesses for the purpose of self-improvement. We need to know what the problem is if we’re looking for the solutions.
Transparency is all I can see,
Otherwise you become a menace to those we detect as enemies,
Bomb ready to detonate at any moment’s notice,
You know this, take the onus if you really got cojones,
And watch how far you can go,
You were suppose to be an explosive,
From corrosive now your soul has been molded to be immortal,
Moreover, no longer do we have to mourn over the horrors,
That invited the shadows from the dark corners,
In a room as empty as our emotions, Numb,
Until healing reawakened the motions,
Like sudden currents pushing forth a new life,
Rebirth, we’ve been relieved from being cursed,
Now the only thing broken is these generational curses that made us believe we were worthless.
Now, we will be forever empowered as we are released from our sorrows that once made us sour.
Healing is not linear. The process is as complex as the damage that trauma has done to our brains. Imagine looking at a traumatized mind: You will see so much faulty wiring scattered all across, some wires need replacing because some jack ass tore it into pieces. They did everything they could to make sure you never succeed or live at peace. Then, you have missing wires that the wind blew away when you were trying to put yourself together. You lost yourself in the process, and now all you have to look forward to is progress. You will only have that in your life if you begin the healing journey TODAY.
If you have no one to confide in, you always can always speak your thoughts out or write it down. The point is to be honest with yourself. You don’t need to have people around for that. (I personally didn’t want anyone around me either). It’s all about you at that moment, and being honest with yourself. Basically, all you are doing is confessing your wrong-doings to God (whether or not you believe, whatever), and that will take the burden off your chest because of the honesty behind admitting your mistakes. You can’t hide from or lie to the Most High, so it’s best to be honest with yourself for once in your life. It’s OK because if you feel that ashamed to admit it, then that means that part of you still has a good conscience (at least I hope!). Tune into that good side of you, and feed your spirit with truth and enlightenment. In order to do this you must be humble, so that you are receptive to wisdom.
That shame that you feel for the wrongs you’ve done is a good sign. It means you are still a good person in the core of your being. You just forgot about it because you lost yourself in the process. That’s why we’re starting a new process, and that is the healing process which requires a great level of transparency, honesty, and accountability. This is all for you, and you are the only one who needs to know about you. You don’t have to talk to someone, even though therapy is recommended, if you can find an actual good therapist who can relate with you and isn’t out of touch.
At the end of the day, most of the work is going to have to be done by you. No one else can heal you. No type of prescription drugs can heal you. Nothing in this world can truly heal us because real powerful healing comes from within, which is where God lives. Our temples align with the Divine, and the more we feed our spirit the higher we ascend. Watch as your pain is pulled out of you like a wisdom tooth extraction. Pulling teeth hurts like hell but it gets better once it’s all set and done. Either way, the job must be done. The faster it gets done the faster you can begin the healing process, so don’t give up.